Welcome to my life.

This is me on the outside:

This website however is a window to Me “on the inside”.

You see, I have been thinking. For years I was sure that my choices were the best in everything. Nevermind what my dad – especially my DAD – had to say.

I grew up with all the rigour and restrictions of the Christian home. “You are a preacher’s daughter, you must be perfect! You are my daughter and as long as you are under this roof, you will do as you are told! You can’t go out without your leggings! This dress is too short now, a preacher’s daughter must now show her ankles in public!”

The minute I could get out of there, I ran for my life and decided to experience all the things I could not even hear about when growing up. I learnt quickly and became the life of every party. I became the point of reference, teaching others how to steal the show “EVERY TIME”.

However, a few of my friends have stopped following me. Believe it or not, they have started going to church and living clean lives. That’s not all. The worse is that they actually look happy and it’s not like they are faking it. True I never gave my father’s God a chance in my life as to me, He always represented “restrictions, forbiddance, judgement” and all that but the more I look at my friends, the more I am getting attracted to their new lifestyle.

I don’t know what to do! Does it mean my dad has won? Should I hold on to this lifestyle even though I know I am not really happy? If I follow my friends, will I be happy? How could I know whether what is good for them would be good for me too?

If you have any answers for me, please do not hesitate to tell me what you think because I need something to change in my life. I need the change so badly and yet I am so scared of making the wrong choice. What if I try the church thing and am disappointed? What if I stay the way I am and end my life feeling so empty?

Help, please. I will also share any resources I find with you so that together we may make the choices that will give us joy and peace in life.

See you around the street.

Oh I forgot, on this site, I will also let you know what the various people have to say about my situation. I give a whole page to my dad, who despite the distance I tried to create still seems to care. I give a page to my friends who are still partying with me and a page to my friends who have crossed over to the God thing. Let me know which of them appear to be wrong.

Bye now, and thank you for listening to my heart’s cry.

Miss Vixen (still for now anyway)